


Yasha:  Wandering Hope

by LordSaladBar



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Flirting, Bad coping mechanisms, Childhood Trauma, Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, Loneliness, Trauma, Traveling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 12:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29874957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordSaladBar/pseuds/LordSaladBar
Summary: One day, A giant barbarian roamed the human world, searching for the one thing she had yearned for over all of her thousand years of living. She never really believed she would find it, but part of her sorrow-filled heart still held out hope for it.  And as long as she still had hope in her heart and strength in her legs, the barbarian would continue searching forever.
Relationships: slight Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Kudos: 12





	Yasha:  Wandering Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I haven't seen much of Critical Role so my knowledge is very very limited. So things probably won't make sense. 
> 
> I'm working on watching it now so maybe I can fix it up later.
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope it's still enjoyable :D

One day, A giant barbarian roamed the human world, searching for the one thing she had yearned for over all of her thousand years of living. She never really believed she would find it, but part of her sorrow-filled heart still held out hope for it. And as long as she still had hope in her heart and strength in her legs, the barbarian would continue searching forever.

Many people who witnessed the large barbarian feared her for her scary demeanor and towering height. None of them knew the truth behind her dark and hazy heterochromatic eyes. The light purples held her hopes and the deep, dull blues held her sorrows. Everyone was too focused on the scarier parts of her exterior that they didn't even notice the softer parts. They didn't stay around long enough to see her caring and sweet nature either.

Overall, no one knew anything of the barbarian except for fear. They never tried to understand her and only fled at the sight of her massive sword. This left her to be a lone wolf of sorts. While others could handle that, the barbarian needed someone to unload on, someone to support her. She needed someone to heal her wounds, be it physical or emotional.

The barbarian liked to keep track of each place she had been to while t̶r̶a̶v̶e̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ searching, so she would pick a flower from each area she came across and place it in her journal. The flower would usually be accompanied by a letter, always to her wife, about where she got the flower.

Usually, the letters would look like so:

_ Dear Zuala, _

_ I made it to Nicodranas today. The flowers were more beautiful than the records had said. I picked my favorite of them all, which was really hard to choose, by the way. There were so many different varieties of flowers, some I had actually never seen before. _

_ The city was a little bit less amazing than the flowers, but that’s okay. I've been to worse towns. You would have loved seeing it at night with all of the bright and stunning lights strewn over the town. _

_... _

_ The people were more so the same, however. But that’s nothing new. So it’s off to the next city. _

_ Love, _

_ Yasha _

* * *

Of course, since nothing changed in people’s reactions, you would assume that the same went for the barbarian. And for a while, that seemed to be true, but eventually, the barbarian felt herself slowly melting away. Her ‘real’ self was starting to recede behind the things people saw in her.

The barbarian got angry faster and it became harder for her to keep her calm. She would lash out at pretty much anyone who got in her way, making any chance of them believing she was different disappear within a second. Even worse, she was losing the part she wanted everyone to see.

She continued to wander alone until one day she came upon a new town. A brighter town. She moved her way into a bar to get a quick drink and then hit the road again. Unbeknownst to her, this would be the place where everything changed.

When she had first entered the bar, of course, she noticed the odd group of figures making a ruckus in the back. She had decided to pay them no mind or else she’d probably blow up at them and lose the little calm she had left. So she took a seat that was the farthest she could get from them, focusing her mind on the beautiful flowers she had spotted on the way in.

Unfortunately for her, almost immediately after she sat down, she heard a high-pitched voice with a heavy accent scream her way.

“Oh my god! You look so strong and scary.” The barbarian turned her head to spot the source of the voice. Her eyes almost popped out of her head when she saw a blue tiefling bounding the short distance towards her table. When she stopped almost directly in front of the table, she bore her eyes into the barbarian’s heterochromatic ones.

“Beau, come look over here!” At the blue girl’s call, another figure, tall and slender, made her way over to stand next to the loud girl. She wore monkish garbs and held a bō at her back. Her eyes scanned over the barbarian in front of her, before her lips settled into a cheeky grin.

“Wow, that’s quite a catch Jester. Mind if I have a bite?” The monkish girl’s grin only added to the anger the barbarian felt at her words. The barbarian clenched her fists together trying to hold back the anger. As she began to clench her fists, her mind raced to what she knew would happen next.

_ The blue tiefling girl would see how angry she looked and drag the monk girl away in fear. They’d both leave with the thought of how much of a monster she is. _

“Hey, Beau, that’s rude.” The girl sent her small elbow into her friend’s stomach and the other girl, Beau, let out a sharp yelp, rubbing the spot of impact. “Sorry about her, she can be a little horny sometimes.” The blue tiefling turned back towards her with a calming smile formed on her lips.

“Beau, you remember what we talked about, calm your hormones around strangers.” A new voice echoed through the bar and a larger, greener figure emerged behind the blue girl.

The barbarian was already confused and uncomfortable, but she stayed quiet nevertheless. She decided that the people would go away eventually and she just needed to stay silent. But when she heard the words that eventually flew out of the monk girl, Beau’s, mouth she couldn’t help but stutter.

“What? I can’t help it, she’s gorgeous.” The monk’s voice sounded a bit slurred from the alcohol she had no doubt been drinking, but she looked sober for the most part. The barbarian couldn’t help but feel her cheeks flush at the words she hadn’t heard in what felt like centuries.

“You don’t even know her name yet.” Yet another voice emerged from the back of the bar, this one had a beard and a cat perched on his shoulders. He barely acknowledged the monk before turning to face the barbarian. “By the way, what is your name?”

The barbarian looks up at the 4 figures above her. She really doesn’t want to give out her name if she doesn’t have to. “But I don’t even know your names.”

The blue tiefling practically leaped at the chance to speak. “Well, I’m Jester!” The girl, Jester, placed a hand over her chest to make sure the barbarian knew it was her who was speaking. She then pointed over to the tall green half-orc, “This handsome fella’s name is Fjord.”

The ‘handsome fella’, Fjord, offered a small wave and shy grin. She only gave a small nod in return, careful to not show any signs of the extreme confusion she was feeling. Jester spared no time in jumping to introduce the man in robes next to the half-orc...Fjord.

Pointing to the bearded man, who paid no mind and kept his gaze on the barbarian as he pet his cat, Jester faltered for a moment thinking of an introduction for him. “This funky wizard is the second human of our group.” Jester gives Caleb a small poke so he’d say hi or at least smile, but he only groans angrily in return. “What he lacks in social skills he makes up for in cool magic. I mean look at his cat!”

The barbarian had been speechless for most if not all of this ‘conversation’, but finally, she was able to just barely whisper out a few words. “Cats are nice.” There was no smile that followed, only a straight face. Yet Jester still smiles as though it’s the greatest words she’s ever heard. 

“So you’re a cat person? Me too.” The barbarian turned towards Beau, face stone-cold, not even cracking slightly at the joke.

“Actually, I’m more of a dog person.”

“Oh.” There was a small change in Beau’s tone, that the barbarian couldn’t quite recognize just yet. Jester sent the monk a comforting smile before turning back to Yasha.

“Oh! That reminds me. This beautiful, strong, epic la—” Jester wasn’t able to finish her sentence as she was cut off by a small sting in her side. Looking to her left she sees an angry Beau staring her down and giving her a small shake of her head. “Fine, this is Beau,” she said pointing to the burly lady on her left.

“I know.” The barbarian’s response took Jester and Beau both by surprise, but the monk covered it quickly with a sly grin. The grin shone bright like the sun and if she hadn’t seen Beau frowning a few moments ago, she would have never been able to tell the girl had been anything but happy.

“So, you’ve heard of me then.” The monk’s confidence was fully restored as she placed her hands on her hips and puffed her chest just the tiniest bit so it wasn’t too noticeable. But the barbarian was able to notice it all easily.

“No, I just heard the blue girl, uh, Jester saying your name. It was pretty obvious from that.” Once again, Beau’s smile dropped along with her newfound confidence. This time however, she let out no sound as she subtly moved back a bit behind Jester.

The barbarian unconsciously took note of every small action the girl made. Especially how she tried to hide every little movement or thing that she did that showed any real emotions. 

See, the barbarian knows many things from the notes she takes. To the point where she’d be able to answer a fair amount of questions you asked her. But why she took mental notes on people she would never see again, is one that would stump her for the longest time.

The barbarian only kept staring at the odd group before she realized they had all introduced themselves. Now, it was her turn. She totally could have just left then and broken their, for lack of a better word, deal. But she still had to hold on to the kindness she had.

“Well, a deal’s a deal, so my name’s Yasha.” The name felt disgusting and foreign on her tongue as if it was no longer her name. It was, wasn't it? It had to be, someone couldn’t just forget their name. Her name was the only thing she had left from her childhood. From her old home. She couldn’t just forget it, could she?

The barbarian pushed the thoughts deeper into her mind, locking them away with the rest of her problems she dared not to touch. Refocusing herself on what she had been doing, she was surprised that the odd group had still been in front of her after her long bout of silence. She expected the group to leave after they had gotten the information they wanted, but all of them were still there, expectant looks on their faces. 

“I gave you a few descriptions of each of our group, so what’re your descriptions?” Jester seemed keen on dragging their conversation out for as long as she could. And from what the barbarian had seen, it looked like Beau wouldn’t mind being here too. Fjord seemed to be given the barbarian a cautious stare, while Caleb was very focused on his books.

“Oh well, I—” 

“If you can’t think of any, I could give you a few. Y’know from what I’ve observed.” Beau looked over at her, another grin plastered on her face.

“Ooh, yeah, and you know you can trust Beau because she’s an excellent note taker,” Jester said, trying to be as convincing as she could. Beau gave a small hum in agreement at Jester’s statement. “She’s also very observant too.”

When no one had spoken for an uncomfortable amount of time, the barbarian looked up to make sure the two girls were still alive. They were. “Go on...Beau.” She nodded her head along with her words to show she meant it.

“Well, you’re mysterious, b-b-but in a good way.” Beau stumbled on her words as she quickly tried to clean up what she was saying. “And beautiful. You’re definitely strong, I mean look at those muscles!” Beau would have run over and grabbed her arm to feel it if it weren’t for:

  * _The scary as hell glare the barbarian was giving her_


  * The fact that Jester beat her to it



Jester had sprung into action as soon as she realized that her friend was right. She practically jumped at the girl, who was still sitting down in her chair, as she reached out for her arm. The barbarian is taken by surprise as Jester grapples onto her arm and caresses it, feeling it as much as she can.

“Wow, Yasha, this is really impressive. Even Fjord isn’t that strong.” The barbarian can hear what she believes to be Fjord spitting out his drink, but she doesn’t pay it much mind. Her mind is too caught up on what Jester just said.

This had been the first time the barbarian heard her name since the day her wife died and she ran. It had been years since that day and many days, she wondered if she would ever hear the words again. Some nights she’d have to speak her name aloud just so she wouldn’t forget it. At times that wouldn’t work and she’d forget small things like a missing letter or how to pronounce it. But hearing the words come from her own mouth was immensely different from hearing it from someone else’s.

Her name rolled so easily off Jester’s tongue and the sound of it sounded so foreign she almost didn’t recognize it. But that was her name, was it not? Or was today finally the day when she realized she’d forgotten it. Racking her brain, for some reason the word didn’t ring a bell. Was she lying to herself this whole time? Who is Yasha? Is she real or something fake. Something that she built up to hide from the pain and guilt and regret and everything she had to keep to herself.

“Yasha, are you okay?” The deep tone of Beau’s voice broke through her thoughts. The words seemed to knock her out of the stupid thoughts she had been dwelling on. It was stupid for her to question who she was after all this time. It was simple.

She was Yasha Nydoorin, and she remembered that no part of her was a facade. Over her time alone, she had  _ tried _ to grow and  _ tried _ to get better. And it didn’t turn out well, but each of that personality and those feelings were all real. She had only been starting to push back her memories of before she ran as the only way of coping she had. But now that she remembers, she’s not gonna let those parts of her go again.

“Yaaaaasssssshaaaaa? I think she’s dead.” Jester’s heavy accent pushed through her head all jumbled, the only clear word being her name. For years while she was alone, it had all been seen cloudy and hard to understand, but now the one thing she needed to remember was clear as day to her. 

_ Yasha _

_ Yasha _

_ Yasha _

Her name is Yasha. And now she can begin to remember who she was so that one day she’ll be able to understand who she is now. 

Yasha had found the path that was meant for her. The path for recovery as well as discovery. She is about to figure out who Yasha Nydoorin is. And on this path, she’ll figure out that she has a group of misfits there at her side.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was at first gonna be canon complaint, but because of my lack of knowledge and where I decided to take the story I switched it to canon divergent.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated :)


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